I know that Joshua needs to take the bottle. I know I'll be a better mummy to all my kids if I can start taking my medication for arthritis. The nurse at the Rhuematology clinic thinks I need to "try harder", giving me her experience of her own 2 children, not listening when I'm saying yes I know I have 5!
I have had a couple of conversations with Gail, a very experienced Nanny. She had a couple of trains of thought, 1, as Joshua can't see I should do the move to bottle, 2, start with breast milk then add it to the formula, 3, Dave should take over I should go out, 4, he could go 2 days before 'giving in' (horrible term), 5, watch out for dehydration. Plenty to consider.
I woke up this morning and thought, let's do this. Let's just get it over and done with so we can move on. He had his last breast feed at about 7 this morning. Since then (it's gone 11pm) he has had breakfast, lunch and dinner but nothing to drink. Although he finally took about half and ounce and hour ago. I've just expressed 5 ounces for him and Dave will stay in the front room with him tonight.
But let me say, I feel bad, guilty, worthless. It's like the one thing I can do for him, I actually can't.
I hope that overnight he becomes a happy bottle fed baby because once I start taking the medication and can move more freely surely I'll be a better person then? Less grumpy, more mobile, freer.
I didn't put Josh in his Squiggle tonight either as he is so tired from crying and fussing. Again, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
On a very different note, Dave went to work dressed up as today was Halloween at the Arc. He had some interesting looks as he rode in on his bike